On Being 32

32.

That's so weird.

It's been two weeks since my birthday, and I still roll that number over in my head, over and over and over.

32.

32?

32?!?!


I feel like I'm in some kind of twilight zone, where I'm seeing myself transform from a teenager into, well, my mother.

And I mean that in a good way. :)

It's this weird crossroads between clearly remembering my entire life, and becoming the mom that says, "when I was a kid..."  The memories of when I was four (Drew's age) seem especially vibrant to me.    To be able to say "25 years ago..." and actually remember 25 years ago - it's strange.

I clearly remember high school.  And college.  And getting married and moving and working and having kids.  It wasn't that long ago.  Was it?

I guess now is the time when it feels like life really speeds up.  When, eventhough some days feel like they drag by, the years are flying and before I realize it, the boys will be graduating, getting married, finding careers, having children.  I don't mean to say that in the cliche kind of way, but in the eye-opening, it's-time-to-become-the-person-you've-been-called-to-be kind of way.

It seems as though, during the past couple years at certain moments (i.e. New Year's and my birthday) God has placed on my heart a time of reflection; a time to really think about things.  I love my family.  I love my job.  I love a lot of things.  But there is always room for improvement.  How can I be better?  What can I do better?

I have a few personal goals for this year.  A few for this current "in between" time we are in.  Some for the near future.  Some for the distant future.

God has been working in my heart to be better.  To do better.  

But boy oh boy, do I stink it up every single day.

Shoot, before I hit "publish" I'll have yelled at my kids, argued with Brad (about something foolish), and disrespected my parents.  I'll have bad-mouthed someone, been ungrateful, and gorged myself on too much chocolate.  

At 32, I have a long way to go, and I only hope that the good Lord gives me time to be better.  

So, here's to being better.  Making better choices, doing better things, being a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend.

Here's to 32.

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How was my big day?  Pretty great, I tell you.

It's been a long time since I've gotten to celebrate my birthday with my parents and my brothers.  And this year, I got it all!  Surrounded by {almost} my entire family at one point or another throughout the day, I turned 32, and ended up smiling about it!

In a nutshell:

* Mom baked a cake, and Drew and Reed frosted and decorated it for me.

*Justin, Mindy and Perry were here for the weekend, so they were here to celebrate with me. 

*Jeremy stopped by while he was working to give me a kiss and a card.
*Mom made her delicious traditional Sunday lunch - roast, potatoes, noodles, carrots - but I don't think that was so much for me as it was for the company we had. ;)

*I got money.  Lots of money.  :)
*Mom and Dad took us all out for dinner to, can you guess???  Culvers!  How'd you know???  I ate too much, and then topped off too much with a pumpkin spice shake.  O.M.Golly. 

*Brad didn't make a video for me like he did for 30 and 31, but he did change my ringtones on my phone.  Now when I get a text, I hear Reed saying "love you mommy, love you mommy, love you mommy" and when I get a call, Drew tells me "love you! love you! love you!"  It really is the small things that make me happy.  (By the way, when Reed hears the text ringtone, he joins in with himself and says "love you mommy", and every time Drew hears Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are" from last year's video, he says, "Mama, there's your song!") 

*My other gift from the boys was a new laminator.  Oh yeah.  You heard that right.  A laminator.  Because in my crafty endeavors, I have more than once told myself, "Man, I wish I had a laminator for this" or "If only I had a laminator."  Sounds staged, doesn't it?  But no.  True story.  And I'm pretty dang excited about it.

My day was awesome.  

And 32 is gonna be awesome, too.